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The Drama Escalates as Hicks are Misguided by Psuedo Science

hen Ratfurt Higgins discovered a fossilized bird in his backyard, his whole world was quite literally shattered. It seems that a new, super militant branch of the creationists has taken to planting bombs at archeological digs, museums, and colleges who would teach the dreaded Theory of Evolution, or as they refer to it, the "anti-christ of acadamia."

In court, Higgins testified that he was simply an archeological hobbyist, trying "...Have some friggin fun, and these crazies came in an' blowed it all up."

This incidence, disturbingly, is not a rare one. Last year alone, militant creationists physically stopped the teaching of evolution in Kansas public schools, and there were several violent verbal arguments on the entity known as the World Wide Web.

Although this is not a rare incidence, the phenomena of crazies acting out for their beliefs, does, perhaps beg a greater question. Rudolph Lunderthrop was there to ask it, last week at an international press conference held by his new group, Winter's Heat Extreme Evolutionists Limited, or WHEEL.

"Where, if indeed there was a master mind behind the evolution of the world, and the hell, are...the...friggin...wheels!" Lunerthrop shouted between labored breaths.

Lunderthrop's position seems to be that, if all biological life was created, why wasn't it created in a matter that would suit a grand designer. The example set forth in his press conference, refers to the idea that, "...If, for example, a lion was designed as it were, why doesn't it have wheels? Or why don't birds have propellers? Or why are there so many stupid people in the world if they were designed?"

Drudery Shcolson, a leading creationist, said that WHEEL was "...an absurd group...not worthy of [his] comment..." but in the same sentence, praised lunitic fringes that would blow up a kindergarden archeology project at an elementary school. Shcolson could not comment on the lack of wheels in biological organisms.

Crandell Murphy, and engineer who designs cars for General Motors stated that, "When I design a car, it just makes sense that it have wheels. If I were to design a bug, I would include lazers, and if I were designing a lion, I would probably make it out of metal, give it four-wheel-drive, and a machine gun instead of sharp teeth." While Murphy denied that he was playing god by designing cars, General Motors has indeed run several add campaigns that imply some sort of devine intervention in the design of their automobiles.