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Nation's Parents, Bush Administration and DEA Rejoice at the Introduction of Orwellian Vocabulary Modification

n a press conference last week, MTV Inc. Revealed that it would be censoring certain words from music videos that aired on the cable channels MTV and MTV2. The surprise came when MTV unveiled the actual subversive words on the list. Words such as "pancakes" and "hash" will now be digitally altered, or bleeped (a word that PBBBS News Corps has recently learned is the technically correct word for audio censorship) during the playing of the videos containing the words in question.

"This isn't the standard seven-words bit. We really feel like we're changing history here." Kurt Loder, the oldest of MTV's "Veejays" said in an interview shortly after the press conference. "We feel that by eliminating words that refer to illicit drugs, or subversive ideas, from the common vocabulary, people will no longer be able to do or think about those things, and thus we will be on our way to a perfect society. A society molded and sculpted by MTV and it's subsidiary corporations, and stockholders."

The idea of Newspeak, or a sculpted vocabulary to eliminate subversives, is not a new one. It was first described in Orson Well's book 1984, which depicted a futuristic society in which all societal problems had been eliminated, and everyone was happy under the governments watchful eye.

MTV got the idea of introducing its own form of Newspeak when pressure mounted from the DEA and parent watchdog groups to 'bleep' the word "hash" out of the name and lyrics of the new Weezer video entitled "Hash Pipe."

MTV quickly solved the dilemma by introducing the song as "Half Pipe," and thus saving uncountable youth from the evils of the word "hash."

Of course, this move required a vast restructuring of the MTV vocabulary taught to its veejays on the MTV VeeJay Ranch in Minnesota. The VeeJay Ranch is where MTV clones and molds its limitless supply of fresh, young veejays to act "hip" and to spread the wholesome goodness of the gospel of the MTV Business Plan to the nation's youth.

"Words such as hash and pancake must be completely and totally removed from the vocabulary if we are to appease the government and the parents of this fine nation's youth." Bubbly Ginn stated outside of the VeeJay Ranch compound last Tuesday.

Indeed, it is insightful to take a look at the exact thought that has gone into this restructuring. Take for example the now-forbidden word "pancake." According to the MTV press release, the word pancake was no longer acceptable under the new vocabulary because the word "pan" brings to mind pots and pans, and the word "pots" brings to mind "pot," which, of course is popular slang for marijuana. Initially, MTV linguists decided to simply call them "sweetened fried dough," but of course the word "fried" brings to mind drug addiction.

MTV has asked its advertisers to voluntarily participate in this effort to remove these subversive words from the popular consciousness. A list of substitutions has been provided, and thus far, most advertisers are very excited by the prospect of molding the popular vocabulary.

So don't be surprised if you are watching MTV or even listening to a radio station owned by one of the corporate subsidiaries of MTV, and an ad for McDonalds breakfast uses the words "toasty potato greasy goodness for you" instead of the now-subversive term "hash browns" Or if, instead of "pancakes," you hear "sweetened wonderful tasty bread for you."