Bush Solves Everything

Everyone Goes Home Happy

Bush is saluted by Canadian Mounted Police as he makes his way to the podium to deliver his moving speech.

n a moving speech that is sure to secure George W. Bush his place in history books, the President* stated that "...trade means freedom...we need trade..." With those few lines of carefully chosen speech, the President* answered all questions and addressed all concerns of the people against his proposed "free-trade."

Ulrica Helmut, a student protesting the FTAA on grounds that it is undemocratic and exploitative of the lower classes, was satisfied with Bush's explanation. "We really can't argue with that. If he says free-trade works, then I am satisfied, because if the President of the most powerful nation on earth is behind it, it must be good." Even pro-labor hard-liners were happy. Ricky "the Beef" Steinmetz, a longshoreman from the Pacific Northwest was quoted as saying that, "I didn't vote for that [guy], but he's right: trade is good."

While the President* didn't specifically address any of the concerns of those protesting "free-trade" he did reassure the half of the United States population that actually voted for him. Marvin Lawslel and his wife Betty, of Chumpshire, OH were very satisfied with his explanation of free-trade. "...he means business, don't get in his way..." Marvin grunted. Betty clarified: "what Marv's trying to say is that we were very moved by his speech"

We here at PBBBS News Corps were also moved. Thank you Mr. President for clarifying the issue of "free-trade" for all of us common folk.